Can having kids hold you back?

How does one have more than one child I use to wonder? Before having children, people always say I don’t have time and once you have one child you realize how precious time is. I am a proud mother of two girls. My first born, Brianna Abigail, is a sassy four year old girl who is into makeup, going church so that she can wear her dresses, painting her nails, and doing what kids like to do like watching her Ipad videos/T.V. Now, my 5 month old, Bridgette Olivia, is a calm soul and a very happy baby. Between the both of them, I find it extremely difficult to do a lot of things. But then I think back, when I had just one kid I “never had time.” There are people out there that have three; four, five plus kids and they make time for what is important to them. When I found I was pregnant with Bridgette, I felt sad for Brianna-how can I spilt my time or my love. It is possible to love your children equally and still have more love to give if you have more. After experiencing a pregnancy scare last month, I realized that if I do have another child it will be ok and I will figure it out like I have with both these two precious girls. It will not be the end of the world. After all, once we are old, are children are our legacy and one’s hope is that they will take care of us when we can’t. Now, there are a lot of layers to this post. Just because you have multiple kids does not mean you stop seeing your friends, go shopping, go get a drink once a blue, stop living. I have friends that I have not seen in over a year and we live in the same borough for crying out loud! Make time for what is important whether it is friendships, pampering yourself, or writing a little post like this. After ten plus years, I quit my job in retail from one day to the next-Why?? So many reasons, but I realized that I want 2017 to be about me and my kids happiness and I want more time doing other things. I have a lot of aspirations and will not let anyone or anything get in the way of this. Many people have told me, “You can’t do this and or that because you are a mom and you have a lot on your plate.” Please, don’t just prejudge what a mother can and or can’t do. The whole point of this post is just that, when you want something bad enough, you can accomplish it with or without a multitude of offsprings. I feel like I am giving a motivational speech, OOUU, baby Jesus take the wheel, ok I had a moment….. 2017- To doing what you want when you want! -Evelyn Marks

Mommy Knows Best...

As a new mommy, it is important to ask for help or advice if you need it. However, it is also essential for you to learn on your own and make your own decisions. EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. I get this now more than ever. Brianna, my two and half year old daughter, did not have any teeth until she turned 16 months old! This is not the average or the norm I would say, but it was how she developed. Day after day, I had to listen to everyone ask about her teeth. One of my neighbors said she has a nice smile, “it is all gummy!” Some kids have teeth as young as 3 months so I get everyone’s concern. My pediatrician advised me to go to a dentist. At the dentist we filled out countless forms and as we waited, the receptionist said that the dentist will most likely open up her gums so the teeth would come through. Ouch! My little baby would have her gums slit open…Luckily, something was wrong with our insurance. A few days later, Bri’s first tooth came to view! And no dentist was involved! Now, she is 2 and half and is attached to her “binky” (pacifier). Little by little she has stopped using it. She finds it when she is sleepy or cranky. I have heard many people say, I threw it out in front of my child, I put hot sauce on it, or the baby just stopped on their own. I feel confident that she will leave it when she is ready.

Every child’s development is different! I look forward to continue to grow as a mother by doing my own research and following my own intuition and appreciating the advice that comes my way as well.

Top 6 items to have for new mommies

6. Breast Pump: Whether you will breast feed or not, you will need to get all that delicious breast milk out. After a few days of giving birth, I produced an overwhelming amount of milk and needed to pump it out to avoid breast from getting engorged.

5.Boppy: This is to help the support you when breast feeding. You can simply lay the baby on there from the classic hold to the football hold and breast feed. There is also a traveling boppy. If you will not breast feed, the boppy can serve as an upright cushion for the baby to rest. 4. Sterilizer: You have to keep the babies bottles, nipples, and pacifiers sterilized at all times. I sterilize about three times a day.

3. Swing: This is the best invention ever. It will put your baby to sleep for hours, keep her entertained, and if she is cockily the rocking motion will soothe her and help relieve some of that gas. 2. Changing mat: I cannot tell you how many times you will take your babies diaper off and things will come flying out. The plastic mat will protect you, your sheets, and the baby from getting dirty. Again, you can buy a travel mat or disposal mats for when you are out in public areas.

1. Baby Monitor: I have a one bedroom apartment and got made fun of for having a baby monitor. This little device is awesome. I watch tv, cook, clean in my living room and watch my little one in her crib. When I go to sleep I keep the monitor by me and my hubby and I can hear and see if she needs me. There has been times my little baby started to choke on her saliva/spit up in the middle of the night. The monitor amplified the noise so even in my deepest sleep I can hurry to her and make sure she is safe. Lastly, my husband discovered that as he drives he can have the monitor camera on her to ensure she is comfortable.

Journey to Becoming a Mother

I always said that I would try things at least once. All my life I dreamt of being a mother, but I never thought it was a plausible dream. I had a lot of issues I had to iron out and I wanted to be a role model for my child. This pregnancy came at the perfect time in my life—I was married to greatest man I have ever met, I was done with school, I was in a better place financially, and I was at a good age. All the issue I was worried about was gone. However, nothing can prepare you for motherhood. You can read books and look at videos, but hands on is completely different. On May 17th I felt extra exhausted so I decided to perk myself up by walking around my mother’s block a few times. On the drive home I felt slight cramps. By 7:30pm it was more intense. By 10pm I was clinching to my bed sheets for dear life. My husband, Travis, yelled out “Let’s go to the hospital,” as he grabbed my Victoria Secret duffle bag that had been packed and ready to go for weeks. I didn’t want to go to the hospital because I thought it might be those Braxton hicks’ contractions. By, 11 it became apparent that this pain wasn’t going away. I called my doctor and told her that I thought I was in labor. She told me to wait it out at home as much as possible. So I took a shower, shaved my legs, put light makeup on, and got dressed. A half hour later, I couldn’t deal anymore, so Travis and I drove to Beth Israel Hospital. At 12:30 I was there getting examined. I was 4cm already, but they advised that I go home and come back. I thought to myself, “What’s wrong with these people”? Travis and I walked to the car and I tried to close my eyes for a bit, but the pain was too intense. We decided to walk to a deli and grab a bite; it was going to be a long night. As I sat there and ate my French fries drenched in ketchup, the pain increased immensely. I turned to Travis with tears in my eyes, “I want the fucking epidural”! We walked back to the hospital and I was admitted. I never felt so much pain in my life. It was like a stabbing pain in your stomach. At 5am I finally got the epidural. It was a tingly feeling in my spine before I lost all sensation in my legs. A few minutes later there was no pain at all. For seven hours I laid there, sleeping and texting with no pain. There was a machine beside me that noted how much more until it ran out. By 2:30 pm the epidural medication had run out, but luckily the pain didn’t start back up till 4pm. Those French fries I had eaten hours before came back and the smell of ketch filled the room. Apparently, the epidural has a lot of side effects and nausea is one of them. Dr. Mentah came into the room and announced that I would have to push and in a half hour I would have my baby. An hour of pushing went by and there was no baby. Dr. Mentah suggested that if the nurse brings in a mirror I can see what’s going on and that it would give me more of a push. I saw the crown of the baby’s head and dark black hair. The doctor reassured me that in another half the baby would be here. Two hours went by and I had pushed and pushed, but all I can see was the top of the baby’s head. Dr. Mentah thought that if she distracts my mind I would be able to push better. I was super tense. She asked me about Sephora and Ole Henriksen products. I gave her skincare advice and all and offered to give her samples too. Was I really giving a consultation in the middle of labor? By the third hour, I had no energy—I was dehydrated and hungry. It had been nearly twenty hours of contractions. I was strapped to an oxygen machine and the room felt like it was 100 degrees. By 7:00pm I went into a deep mediating state and I closed my eyes, pulled my legs to my chest as tight as I could, and pushed almost without breathing. I heard Travis and the doctor start the ten count for me to push. They began one, two, three… I stopped listening and she pushed with all my might and with deep frustration. The doctors quickly put on their gowns and pulled this little 5lb 14 ounce baby out. She was a chocolate brown color. I yelled out, “I have a brown baby.” At 7:03 pm they laid her on my chest. I was overwhelmed with emotions and cried, but no tears were coming out. This little precious baby was staring at me with her big brown eyes. Her chocolate color went fading and fading right before my eyes and she was lighter than me. The nurse gave her a shot and she did not cry. She just stared at me. We named her Brianna Abigail. Travis had one little tear in the corner of his eyes, my sister, Maria, who was also there was emotional. My mother-in-law came into the room and thanked me for making her a grandmother. Taking this baby home was going to be a challenge for Travis and I because we never took care of a baby this small. The first night, Brianna did not sleep at all. I saw the sun go down and come up. As the days went by, she slept more and more and Travis and I are discovering together how to be parents.

7 months and Counting

Seven months is quickly approaching and there are lots of ups and downs. Pregnancy has done me a world of good. It almost feels like I went through anger management--I feel so calm and stress free. Emotionally it is has been great, but physically I feel terrible. I wake up nauseous and go to bed the same way. My energy is at a all time low and I have been experiencing hot flashes. As my stomach gets bigger, my back ache is more intense. I often wake up with painful cramps in my legs and wonder if labor could be more painful than this! Seven months and counting now until I become a mom. I feel anxious and nervous to get over this and have a healthy baby. I can't wait to meet her and love her!

Safe Skin

Because some topical ingredients get absorbed into the bloodstream, there are some you want to avoid," says Leslie Baumann, a professor of dermatology at the University of Miami and author of The Skin Type Solution (Bantam, 2006)http://www.babycenter.com/0_safe-skin-care-during-pregnancy_1490031.bc .

"Everything you eat, apply, or come into contact with may affect not only you but also your baby," says Sandra Marchese Johnson, a dermatologist with Johnson Dermatology in Fort Smith, Arkansas.

Most pregnant women are careful as to what they eat, but not so cautious when it comes to what is applied on their skin, our largest organ. As Dr. Leslie Baumann stated these beauty creams may pose a danger to your fetus if absorbed through your bloodstream. Throughout my pregnancy my skin has been a catastrophe. I went from oily all over to flaky dehydrated dry skin. My skin has an overwhelming amount of black heads and pimples on my chin and jaw line. In my quest for perfect skin, I asked my doctor if there are ingredients I should avoid. Perhaps I did not ask the right doctor because she said, “Any cream that is not safe while pregnant shouldn’t be used when you are not pregnant.” I was really bewildered. What about all these things people say to avoid? I did my own research.


Retinoids:
Avoid products that contain vitamin A and it's derivatives (retinals, including Retin-A, and retinoids). A vitamin-A derivative in Accutane, which can cause major birth defects. Vitamin A in high does can be toxic pregnant or not.

Salicylic acid/ Benzoyl peroxide:
BHA, or beta hydroxy acid, is a form of salicylic acid and is used in some topical exfoliants to reverse signs of aging. Salicylic acid as well as Benzoyl Peroxide is used to kill bacteria for acne/break outs. Even though pregnant women get hormonal breakouts, this ingredient seems to be the only ingredient unanimously across board that we need to steer clear of. However, Alpha hydroxy acids, sometimes listed as AHAs, glycolic acid, or lactic acid, are said to be safe, but I find dubious.

Soy:
"Soy can make the 'mask of pregnancy' (dark splotches on facial skin) worse.” Although soy creams are plant based there is an ingredient called isoflavones which cause estrogenic effects in the body. One of my favorite skin care lines called Fresh is soy based, which I will now avoid during my pregnancy.

Essential Oils:
There again no evidence suggesting that oils are dangerous, but oils tend to penetrate deeper into the layers of the skin. I even read Almond oil can be toxic. My favorite body products from L’occitane are the Almond Shower Oil and Almond Supple Skin Oil. Now, I am in search of body products that will hydrate and help with stretch marks.

Hair removers:
Avoid depilatories (cream hair removers) because these chemicals seep deep into the pores.

Self-tanners:
Self-tanners are not dangerous per say, but layering chemicals that will sit on the skin for hours may not be a good option for the baby.


Hair dyes:
This is the one thing that is a biggie for me since my hair turns gray every two weeks. I waited till I was almost five months to dye my hair. There are no studies that concretely state that hair dye are harmful, but these chemicals can absorb through the scalp. Hair dye is so controversial because some believe it is not safe for women who or aren’t pregnant. I even heard there is a link between hair dyes and cancer. However, this one practice I may not be able to give up.

Nail polish:

Three ingredients to avoid in your polish are DBP, formaldehyde or toluene . “Try colors from Sally Hansen -- last year, the company announced plans to remove all three chemicals from their products.”

It's a Girl!

I found out on January 11, 2012 that I am having a girl or at least they are 90% sure of it. The baby did not want to open her legs at all. Travis, my husband stood there like a proud dad, “That’s right you don’t open your legs for nobody,” said Trav with a smile on his face. Christina, the sonogram technician and I just laughed. Travis and I have picked girls names carefully. As a young girl, I wrote up names of baby names that I liked (god knows why I did that). I went back to this list and there were names like Tatiana, Thalia, Katelyn, etc… I just did not like any of these choices anymore. As an adult I loved the name Chloe, but I feel that my mom would have a hard time saying this with a Spanish accent. I will continue to explore different options, but I think we have picked our names and sticking to it. Yesterday, I had co-workers ask me these options and I received bad feedback. One girl even went as far as laughing in my face and shaking her head vigorously. I was highly offended and embarrassed. Choosing a name for your child is personal and that is not the reaction you want. It is equivalent to someone saying your kid is “breathtaking” or plain old ugly. I would like to tell the world everything I am experiencing with this pregnancy, but that incident has really shied me away from saying anything personal. However, I did get great feedback from my sisters and my dear cousin—that was great. Feedback is always awesome minus the malicious intent.